For years, researchers, bureaucrats and journalists have been trying to get the message out that the reserves are not sustainable. With inadequate access to healthy food, insufficient Federal funding for proper education, health services and dismal employment outlooks, reserves, in their current state cannot meet the needs of the people.
Add to this mix the increasing presence of organized crime, drugs, contraband tobacco and home brew alcohol in “dry” communities, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Thankfully, our wise Government has crafted a solution to give the poor North American Indians a better future. For the past few years, the Federal government has been investing billions into new state of the art resident compounds that are fully equipped with all the necessary amenities, health services and even gourmet meals all freely provided. We are pleased to announce that these residences are fully staffed with a large number of employees whose sole responsibility is the well-being of the residents.
There are psychologists, counsellors, spiritual counsellors, educators all fully dedicated to serving the needs of each resident. Other amenities built in to these facilities are gyms, tennis courts, recreation halls, television and movies, and others.
Why should Indians bother with unsafe, ill-equipped communities when they can live in these state of the art facilities free of charge? However, despite all of these benefits, it seems that the uptake by Indians has been somewhat lacking. It may be the “too good to be true” perspective. Fortunately, our government has been implementing incentives to encourage greater uptake.
Some of these incentives include:
· Cutting funding to programs aimed at protecting Indian women (Sisters in Spirit)
· Cutting anti-gang programs
· Cutting youth recreational programs
· Cutting funding to on-reserve policing
· Cutting funding to education
· Withholding funds that would otherwise improve communities
All of these incentives are aimed at helping Indians clearly understand that their current reserve communities are not comfortable to live and that the federally provided residences are a much better choice.
We have even been streamlining the application process by making it easier for judges to award longer stays in the residences. We have also removed to 2 for 1 time loss while applicants await the decision of their acceptance or rejection into the residences. While, under previous governments, many applicants were turned away conditional or “in the community” decisions, we have imposed limits on these types of decisions that impede Indians’ ability to enter the residences.
We are very pleased to announce that the new reserve system, often endearingly referred to as “Club Fed” is in full implementation.
Contact your local Corrections office for more information about how you can apply for a residence near you.
NOTE: In case you haven't noticed, this is a satire about the grossly over-representation of Aboriginal people in the prison system and the 'get tough on crime' approaches taken by the Government.
